Hello amazing human beings out there!!!!!

How are you all doing? As all of you are slowly getting back to a new normal you found, I hope you are still finding enough time for yourselves.
This is going to be a different post. This isn't something that I was going to write today but as I was preparing meals for my family, I felt so strong about this.
I'm sure most of you, who are reading these posts of  mine don't know who I am or what I'm like. Don't worry I'm not gonna write a whole post about me or how I am now, but this will be about me.Do you get what I am saying? I hope I'm not confusing you already. Okay let's cut the chase and get back to what I'm gonna talk about today.
Almost all my life, I have been telling my self so many things which aren't very positive or nice. I always put my self down and victimize my self. I often told my self that I'm not good enough, I'm not beautiful;I'm ugly, I'm not loved, I'm not wanted, I'm a troublemaker, everything is my fault and so on. Basically I didn't like my self or loved me at all. I'm not saying any of these to get my self pitied or anything but this was the reality almost all my life until this recent past. I still feel like this sometimes but not as often as it used to be.
So what am I gonna say with this? Wait! I don't know that either. Let's see how it's gonna go. I know for a fact, that even though that's how I felt often, that it wasn't true. The only thing was I couldn't accept that it was all a lie. As a result of feeling like that for so long, I forced  my self to believe that if I'm not good enough or beautiful enough,or whatever I am not according to worldly standards, then I'm not gonna do anything about it and I'm just gonna accept it and just stay away from all of those normal things other kids/teens or people my age would do. I isolated myself and often wondered off to an imaginary world of mine. People who loved me kept on saying that these were all lies and loving me harder each time but thanks to my ego and negative mindset, I couldn't accept their love or see past that. I still don't see it or understand it to the fullest but now I'm willing to try and accept it and believe what they say because I know I'm much more than what I see or believe as my God didn't create me any lesser and He created me in the best way possible. I know it's very hypocritical and controversial when I say that I believe everything written on the bible such as That I'm perfectly knitted by God while I was in my mother's womb, I'm created according to God's image, I'm beautiful and I'm loved by my God my Saviour and everything else written on it, and yet say I'm having a hard time accepting my self as it is and not trusting those negative things about me. Trust me it's not easier for me either. I know that I'm not the only one who's feeling like this or felt like this or will feel like this in the future and I just want to tell all of those including my self that all those negative thought and mindsets aren't coming from God or anywhere good. ALL OF THOSE ARE LIES. NO ONE IS PERFECT YET NO ONE IS AWFUL EITHER. EVERYONE HAS THEIR OWN FLAWS BUT THOSE DON'T MAKE THEM BAD PEOPLE. 
I could think of million reasons, incidents or situations that lead me onto this kind of mindset but I don't think that its the right thing to do. I'm really sorry if this isn't something you expected from this post or my blog, but this has been something that was weighing on me for a very long time. This isn't the first time I've tried addressing this matter either. I wrote several posts regarding this and deleted each and every one of that.
I'm learning to love my self. I'm learning to accept my flaws. I'm learning to be me.
 I was on my way loosing my confident in writing and ability of writing until yesterday when a very dear friend of mine reminded me of it. I'm not saying I'm really good at this but I wanna believe that God has given me a gift in that and I don't wanna let go of it. Thank you everyone who still encourage me and love me. You know who you are. I'm forever grateful for each and everyone of you. I'm still not there where I wanna be, but I'm gonna try my best.
Thank you everyone for taking time to read this one. It really means a lot. Please be kind as you read this. As  I mentioned before, this isn't a typical post that i usually post. This is a very personal one. Please do leave a comment down below.


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